Friday, February 20, 2009

Mr. Powerless's unused bar

Oh unused bar sitting on my table
to drink from you, I wish I were able.
Your owner keeps you in odd rows;
why doesn't he drink? No one knows.

Sadly you sit collecting dust;
your paranoid owner with no trust,
displays a collection that is not used;
leaving everyone else totally confused.

Perhaps your owner thinks you will
make him seem a lot more chill.
So while he pretends to be a boozer,
We all know he's just a big fake loser.

(As you can see it's all caked with dust)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My latest creation!

Here is my latest creation: a 16 page, paperbag album made for my new "robot" friend, PolkaDotParliament, in a private swap on! The colors and shape kind of took off on their own. I figured PolkaDot could fill it with pictures of her family and pets! This is the largest paperbag album I have created and I have to thank Miss PolkaDot for all her encouraging words and inspiration she has provided me these last few weeks :)

For those of you who don't know, paperbag albums are mini scrapbooks made from standard lunch size brown paper bags. They can be bound in a variety of different ways (like with ribbon, metal rings etc) and usually have a ton of embellishments (flowers, stickers, brads, tags etc). They come in a variety of shapes and forms (this style is also called a chunky book by some, but typically includes a different base other than a paperbag) and are small enough to be set out anywhere. Although they are small, they are far from quick to make. They require a lot of thought and design and adding pull outs and tags takes extra thought and time.

Pictured here is the entire album before I assembled it.

At first I wasn't sure what type of colors I should use as Miss PolkaDot has a wide variety of flavors and interests, but then I saw the Gypsy paper collection and used it as a base to get things rolling. When I started adding the flowers it looked more Hawaiian to me and I just went with it. I thought the fairy stickers fit right in and the pages just sort of created themselves! I have to say that this is probably my favorite paperbag album that I have created. I hope that Miss PolkaDotParliament likes it as much as I liked making it!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Intense my ass!

"Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense..."
- Ralph; A Christmas Story

I have discovered in the past few months, that my roommate has a passive-aggressive style about him when it comes to dealing with any sort of confrontation. The passive-aggressive style can be very useful when dealing in protests, hunger strikes or in Randy's case (from A Christmas Story) fading into the background hoping that being out of site and out of mind will aid in defense.

My roommate, however, uses it as a way to shut down, not unlike a typical sit-com husband zoning out his nagging wife. What kills me is that he has no idea that it makes him look like an utter schmuck! You see kids, my roommate thinks he is really intense and is Mr. Cool. He has all these idols like Jack Bauer and John Cena and fills his DVD racks with The Matrix trilogy and really crappy anime (granted the only redeeming pieces are Cowboy Beebop and Akria, the rest is dribble). I think the best way to describe him would be like the leader of the nerds (think Anthony Michael Hall from 16 candles). Nerd leaders are typically the best looking out of the group, a little brighter at hatching plans and usually has some sort of pull with the ladies (well, ones that have issues). Despite all of this, my roommate still thinks that his "tall, silent" type of exterior translates into mysterious or what he likes to classify himself: "intense".

Yeah, well....not so much. Trying to have a conversation with my roommate usually involves him standing there, looking around and not responding. As in not saying anything at all. At first I thought it was a passive-aggressive approach and that he would later blow off the steam, or come and talk to me when he's had a chance to mull over whatever topic we (or more appropriately, I was talking about). Now, I think he's just a weak pussy.

The only time he has ever responded back during these little one sided discussions, was when he thought he had some pull. This has lead me to believe that the reason he shuts down is because he knows I'm right and has nothing to say about it. Mr. Intense is more like Mr. Powerless.....

The whole point of bringing this up is that "Mr. Powerless" and his group of toadys go out to a local restaurant/bar where my boy-toy (for lack of a better alias): "Teach" works. We have known (based on their previous visits) that they are cheap tippers. Once they tipped "Teach" around 10% on a bill after he had hooked them up with free drinks and other stuff he could have easily charged for.

Two nights ago, Mr. Powerless and his toadys once again went out to our local spot and racked up a bill around $150 which they split 3 ways. Each party tipped under $5. If you have ever worked the food industry, you know that this is a major no-no. After they left, their server was talking to Teach about this party who shafted him and after he realized who it was, he felt bad for not warning the server about them when they walked in. Feeling it was his duty, Teach decided to educate Mr. Powerless and his wanna-be-girlfriend about how to tip.

After Teach got off of work he came over, opened a beer and asked if he could talk about their visits to our local spot. Teach was really nice and friendly stating things like "I know you guys come in a lot and I want you guys to continue to get great service, but you need to know that you're getting a bad wrap for not tipping up to par". He then goes into examples of the past few times they've come in and how they get complaints from the staff for skimping out even after free stuff and good service. Teach kept the topic light and more like and FYI than anything else.

And you know what? Mr. Powerless just sat there the whole time not saying anything and not making any eye-contact. He had no participation whatsoever in the whole conversation. He was down right rude and a total flaccid lump wearing his bony ass deeper in my couch cushions. The wanna-be-girlfriend on the other hand tried to justify EVERYTHING that was brought up against them. Teach was trying to be nice and give them a heads up because no one wants to serve them, but they acted like children. Instead of saying, "oh- sorry about that man" or "thanks for the heads up", she deflected his words as if it were a personal attack and Mr. Powerless just stared vacant matching his flimsy demeanor. After seeing that this wasn't going anywhere, Teach retreated into my room to hang out.

For all the times Mr. Powerless has ever tried to seem intense or mysterious, he has failed. I know some of you might refer to good old Abe Lincoln's quote: "Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." but in this case, he is clearly the lesser for being silent.

I can't wait for him to move him and his wanna-be-girlfriend (who is illegally living with us) to leave! Only 12 days to go!

A new home!

Hi kids! I have a new home to blog on. I feel this will give me a fresh start and an easier format with which to display my blogging-ness! Obviously it's late and I'll be signing off soon, but I'll be posting again as usual.